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Emotional Breakdown Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

When it Rains, it Pours

December 29th, 2013

Sunday already?

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Slowly working on site updates! WHOO. Tartarus has a new layout now. Squalo is going to have to deal with it. Elysian Fields also got a new layout! YAY! Although, its apparently impossible for me to make a layout for this site that isn’t blue. Oh well! Blue works for Takeshi! (And yes, pinks work for Squalo. /dealwithit)

I’m thinking of using Tsuna and Xanxus for Merry-go-Round or Colonello. I haven’t decided yet, but it would work either way. But that’s a task for tomorrow. Although, I should be working on Solstice too. I just am not sure how to start the pages for Elsa! I’ve typed up my thoughts on Anna, but I’m wondering if I should change that too. Editing it wouldn’t be too hard.

Slowly playing Mana Khemia 2, I’m doing well in the classes so I have tons of extra free time. I have been knocking out the character stories! I like Goto, Enna, and Pepperoni, but I’m not too fond of Ulrika and Chloe still. I don’t know if that’ll change (ever).

Picked up Black and Blue, it’s a romance novel that Cherri got me for Christmas. It’s one of those things you know is going to be absolutely ridiculous going in. I plan on getting through it before the New Year as I have a ton of books I really want to read next year! I created a list of books I definitely want to read for the year. I’m sure I’ll find more.

Heaven’s Network is Wide Updates:
Tartarus - New Layout!
Elysian Fields - New Layout!

December 28th, 2013

Happy Saturday!

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Slowly getting things updated! I have plans to make layouts for all of my cliques. I have this weird obsession that when I change Elysian Fields, Tartarus, and Merry-go-Round that they need to match. So I need to find a protagonist, an antagonist, and a sage/princess for the three. I couldn’t decide this morning, so I worked on Wings of the Heart instead. Maybe I’ll do something Mana Khemia related? I also changed the layout for Nonsensical Madness, tweaked the colors today. I like it better now, I think.

I finished reading Gears of Wonderland, it wasn’t bad. Though I recognized some particular weaknesses that I have in my own writing. I feel that it’ll help reinforce some of my own writing. Little things really bothered me, and so I know to fix them in my own writing. The story itself was save wonderland and turned out to be pretty straightforward. Plot twists were easy to see and left much to be desired for build up.

In Mana Khemia 2, I need to go talk to Tony about training Uryu. I really like Enna, Goto, and Pepperoni (Pekyuun)! Not really liking Ulrika or Chloe too much though. Considering playing Student Alliance just for the fun of it. I can also just beat this and switch back to Raze’s story. I’m just not finding Ulrika as engaging or wonderful as Vayne or Raze. Plus, I have to deal with Tony more with Ulrika and I’m still tired of his crap from the first game!

Heaven’s Network is Wide Updates:
Wings of the Heart - New Layout!
Nonsensical Madness - New Layout!

December 12th, 2013

Always try to do my best!

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I will sub for the first time today! I am nervous and excited. On one hand, I may always be nervous to sub in someone else’s classroom. On the other, it is for one of the kindergarten classes that I’m in every week. Mrs. P said it will be an easy day. I’m hoping that the kids agree with that! Also, I know if I really need help, Mrs. W is right next door. This will be good experience for me. I already know the classroom routine and children, so that’ll really help too. They also already know me, so there should be les adjustment time than someone completely new coming in. I also know the majority of the staff that I’ll be working with today, so I feel very comfortable about that.

Here’s what I’m hoping for with all my positive energy today:
1. My students are unharmed.
2. My students do their best.
3. Every student is feeling well (so that we can avoid a second vomiting on stage issue).
4. I will have the strength and patience to do what I need to do.
5. I will not freeze to death on recess duty!

Everything will be great! I’m going to do my best and I know the kids will too. Hopefully, I’ll even be able to do my super secret-get-back-at-mentors plan part one!

Yesterday, when I went in, Mrs. P said she needed to see Mrs. Wood and me in her classrooms under the pretense that we were in “big time trouble”. So, I got Mrs. W and we went over to Mrs. P’s and they ambushed me with Christmas gifts! I got a very nice, very large, new bag that I can use for subbing as well as some lesson idea books for Pre-K to 1st grade (maybe even 2nd). I was very touched by the thought! Mrs. W knew we weren’t in “big-time” trouble, she knew why we were going over there. In addition, Mrs. P skipped the teacher luncheon and wouldn’t let us bring back dessert for her. SO, I decided I was going to plot against her. (In a loving way of course.) I already have an idea for Mrs. W, so that’ll be easy. I just need Cherri’s help (and she said she’d help already). So, if time and students willing, I’ll be able to do what I want too. I also know that while I’m at the school, if I need something, I can go ask Mrs. W about it. I also know she’d most likely be willing to help me with me “revenge”!

I’ve been reading Hell House when I have a few minutes. I’m really enjoying it! I really enjoy Matheson’s writing. Makes me want to write horror/thriller all the more! One day, maybe I’ll be good at it. Also, Cherri, Hell House is not a book you’d want to read. It’s about ghosteses.


The fairest has been chosen.

November 9th, 2013

Writing~

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Once upon a time I did a writing meme in which you listen to a few songs and write whatever you felt inspired to write while the song played. When it stopped, you did too. And you wrote this way for three or so songs (or however many you wanted). I wanted to do that again today. I love being able to have the extra challenge with free writing, because you never know what extra things you’ll be able to make sense of later. I also put these up at Free Writing.

Still Doll
Kanon Wakeshima
3:44
Dancing dolls and fighting soldiers, we might always be apart. But still, I’d dream of you, as I stare out the window. I wish you were here; these letters bring me little comfort. The memory of your smile is almost too much to bear. Miss Alice, how are you tonight? What dreams fill your pretty little head, curls so full and bouncy. Your letters bring me tears when I only want smiles. And if we were more than dancing dolls and fighting soldiers, would it mean anything at all? Another night alone, the sound of the rain echoing my tears. The heart beats alone, waiting for your return. Will that door open? I’d still welcome you home. If you’d but give me the chance, I’d smile upon your return. And I’d smile once more, if you’d but give me the chance. And I can’t bear that you no longer answer. The letters line the window as I wait.

ROMANCE –Incubo-
BUCK-TICK
4:35
Where can I find myself? Lost in your eyes again. I fight with the idea, some silly notion, that I’m the only one that lives in this romance. So lost in you, waiting for your touch. Sweet kiss, you might tempt me again. I’d tell myself it didn’t matter for one more smile. As tricky as you might be, I can’t help but wonder what it’d be like to have you to myself. And I sigh at the thought of another wasted moment. Living and fretting over the stupid things we do. And still, you keep me coming back. How many times must I apologize? How many must I count? Where do those memories go as we’re standing back to back. Where is the moment so sweet that we first held? How can you hold it against me, when I love you more than my heart can take? Why? Why do you love me? And I find with every passing moment that I cannot collect my thoughts. I know how much you wan time too. But there’d be no way to really define them in any way that made sense. I’ll let the pieces fall onto the floor as your smile lights up the world. And even though I know you’ll leave me in the morning, I can’t help but want to know what your laughter would sound like. Or what that smile might say, just one more time. Time and time again, I stumble upon the words to build up the silly romance that will fit into my picture perfect mind. But remember, always remember, that more than anything else I really do love you. And even though I cannot express it, there’s something magical about stumbling and falling, simply falling in love with you. The thought keeps me alive, feeling, and growing as I try to find some way to reach out to you.

Namae No Nai Kaibutsu
EGOIST
5:19
Fading dreams won’t stop me. Keep trudging forward as memories cloud my eyes. Tears thick on the lashes, I have to keep moving. Fighting, drawing up this stupid blade for a battle I didn’t want to fight. Rushing over marshes and slaying dragons to find a dream I just can’t grasp! And so I slash and fight, tumbling, bleeding as I fight for my own sanity. Trying to make sense of the stupidity and the moment that I made all my claims. And if I had the moment, I’d step back to take a breath. What am I to do now that I fight alone? Wondering where the hell my mind ought to be in the moment. Should this battle kill me? Will the rush of evil overcome me as I flee in futility? Turned against the wall. Drawing up the sword again. I face forward, blood on my brow, wondering how I got here. And I realize it’s stupid. I’m here to fight! Here for myself, some silly dream to hold onto. Keep on fighting, making all my dreams come true. I cannot stop, because I wouldn’t know how too. And I keep going and I’ll keep going until I fall down. Blood pumping, have to find the way. Somewhere within me, I pray that there’s a light to see me through. And what will I do, if I can’t find some reason, the real reason that I need to keep going. And it might be within the blade or deep in my heart. I’ll never know unless I keep going. But where will I go when the battle ends? Oh where the hell am I going without myself. The goal of my future slipping out of my grasp as hands too unsteady pull the blade up once more. Where am I going? And for who? Why do I keep fighting if I can taste only my own defeat and hear it beating within my ears so loudly that it’s going to tear me down? Back to the wall, I’ll keep fighting because it’s all I’ve ever known. And here I stand.




The fairest has been chosen.

Heaven’s Network is Wide Updates:
Hanging Gardens - New Affiliates
Elysian Fields - New Affiliates
Tartarus - New Affiliates
Wings of the Heart - New Affiliates
Free Writing - New category and writing
Rayjah.Net - More projects added




My Pokes!

November 7th, 2013

Saved by the bell!

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Saved by the bell! My language arts mentor set up presentation on Chile so the student could be more acquainted with what they were reading for warm-ups. It consisted of a picture walk while she explained the pictures. She used a lot of vocabulary words (previous and cross subject). I thought it was fantastic! Her presentation took the majority of class. By the time the kids started reading Where the red Fern Grows we were pretty late into the period. Just the fight got really important the bell rang. I’d never been so thankful for something to interrupt reading. The students were so disappointed! They were so engrossed in the book!! I know what’s coming so I felt nothing but relief.

My mentor apologized for taking up time with “non-English” things. I stared at her and just gawked. Finally I went, “What? You gave a great presentation that tied in with their warm up. It created background for them. How is that not English? You’re helping them to understand their warm ups, you’re doing extra to create meaning for the students. You used all the correct vocabulary for science too. That’s, well, I thought that was the point of common core standards.” She then stared at me. So I had to ask if I was misunderstanding common core. I hoped I wasn’t misunderstanding them since that’s what I’ve been trained in. She was very relieved to hear that I felt that everything she’d done connected the English material as she needed it too. From what she was telling me, it seems she’s gotten written up for doing non-English things to create experience and background before. (She had the students carve soap to go along with The Cay so that they would understand the work and what went into it.) There’s a reason her students love her. She goes above and beyond! She makes learning fun. But, she was really worried about the presentation and my observation because she wasn’t certain that it fit into English at all. Sad facts, her students don’t even get to do any creative writing!

In the Kindergarten classes, my mentors are always asking my opinions for things. One asked me if they should use foil for the buckles on hats for the pilgrims. YES! They’re shiny and I think that the kids would love it. The other lets me pick out activities and items to do for art center. So we got to color with chalk. Here’s the great thing about chalk – works similar to pastels but are not as messy. Chalk can be washed off much easier so parents don’t get mad that we’ve ruined someone’s clothes. We wanted to use pastels because the children don’t get to use pastels. The issue was that they’re really messy. So, what can we use that the kids don’t use often that will wash out easily? We tried chalk. They loved it! It’s also great for mixing colors.

This morning I’m going to meet with another principal for some hours. I’m hoping it goes well. I have another meeting for more hours tomorrow. I also have grocery shopping. But what I’d really like is to warm up!

The fairest has been chosen.
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